Operation

So, obviously because I am writing this, I am still here.

I had the operation in my arm today under a general anaesthetic. Was supposed to be a short operation but I was under for more than 2 hours. And, they couldn't get it out. So I am feeling quite miserable. Miserable in the fact that my plan of eating and drinking so I would aspirate didn't work. And also, because I am stuck with the pain of the bloody thing in my arm. My follow up appointment isn't for 3 months. 3 bloody months. I was last on the list today. I didn't even see the consultant after the op for him to explain anything to me about the follow up appointment. I really don't like the consultant. He is an arrogant twat.

The experience on the whole wasn't bad or scary. It was boring waiting around for 3 hours before they took me in at 14.30. Come my turn I was taken in to theatre and there was a whole team of people dressed in green scrubs. He took a few x-rays first and then they put the cannula in.The anaesthesiologist then gave me some Medazalan, which I couldn't really see the point of. What is the point in a sedative just before they put you out? Then she put a mask over my face and told me to breathe deeply. Then I saw them putting the general in. The only reason I knew it was the general was because it is like milk. I wasn't told that's what they were doing. I didn't even see it all going in. It knocked me straight out. Next thing I know I am being told they are going to move me on to the ward. I can't remember being in recovery except there was a woman sitting next to me and her saying that I hadn't come round yet. I mumbled that it hurt and then I was taken to the ward. I was then given a hefty dose of morphine. Nice! Lol. I am sure the amount of that stuff I have had recently I may become addicted (just kidding there but it seems they are happy to hand it out like a can of pop; and it does taste nice).

Surprisingly, I wasn't scared. I was at first but after waiting so long for it to be my turn I was feeling ok. It surprises me as I thought there was a possibility that I could die, that I wanted to die. But I was pretty calm. So, I take that as confirmation of my feelings about ending everything. I thought there was a high possibility of me being sick while I was under and it drowning me. But no.

How do I feel now? Disappointed. Other than that, a bit woozy. I feel like I've had a few drinks and my head is not all there. I also feel really emotional. The smallest thing is setting me off. Like being told I had to make my own dinner if I wanted some, my Dad saying "you do watch some crap" when he didn't even know what I was watching. It was actually the Panarama from the other night. Did anyone see it? If not it's shocking. The abuse those patients were put through from sadistic "care" workers. It's on BBC iPlayer if you have not seen it. I have worked in similar settings and I have never seen anything like that. It's so shocking that people think they can treat others like that.

Oh, and I've got the Morphine Itch now. Grrr. So annoying. I've just taken a cyclizine (from my previous hospital stay) to combat the woozy feeling. Being as though they are anti-histamines I hope that it stops me itching. Grrrr.

So feeling pretty miserable right now. And, to top it all off I have got to get up early in the morning as there is someone coming to fix my balcony roof. It's leaking water in to downstairs. The parents have only just re-decorated also. It's cos the floor gets really hot and gets deformed. So even if they do work from the outside like they did today, I am not going to be able to sleep while there are 2 strange men only feet away. And my nephews are staying with us for 3 nights so that means baby talk tourettes from my Dad. I love my nephews so much, but I find that after a while of them being here and my Dad being around I want to get out. I love it when he's not here. If he wasn't here I'd want them to live with us. It's just my Dad. And it really annoys me how he always makes my mum and I to be the bad guy. Like if oldest nephew is doing something he shouldn't be he'll tell him not to do it but when it comes to actually taking the thing off him, or moving him away it's my Mum or myself that has to do it. Then there's tears then we get "isn't Granny/GP mean? Awwwww come here". And then it's hugs and kisses for something he shouldn't have been doing.

I'm moaning now. But it does piss me off. I'm fed up!