Moved to a different picu.

They moved me to a different picu. Closer to home and so much more relaxed. I'm allowed my phone.

This past week has been so much better. I feel optimistic and more positive. Unfortunately this does not seem to have much baring on what future care they want me to have.

They still want me assessed by low secure. This would mean a longer stay of many months. I don't want this and I'm terrified. But my reputation precedes me so it doesn't really matter what I tell them now.

I'm trying to hold it together and I'm doing quite well. Also I put in a formal complaint against fingers at the other hospital over an incident that occurred and he's been suspended while they look in to it more. We've been given the impression that it's not the only complaint against him. So I'm going to have to be interviewed over it which I'm looking forward to like a hole in the head.

That's it for now though. X

Back to PICU

I'm being sent back to out of town picu. Where the bully fingers is. They are going to assess me for low secure. They know I have problems over there and they want to try get me to my city picu but they don't know how long it will be.
I feel sick!

I've Had Enough!

I can't stand being locked up anymore. It Makes the self harming urges even stronger and gives me more time to formulate plans.

I asked to speak to my doctor but apparently the mental health act assessment yesterday counts as her seeing me this week. I'm really unhappy. All I wanted to talk to her about was s17 leave even if it is escorted. I'm going more mad on the ward.

I'm feeling so miserable at the moment and all I want to do is self harm. I need to relieve some of this tension and frustration. I do have some methods but not what I really want.

Grrr!

I'm Not Going Anywhere!

Just been told I'm being put under section 3. Also that the doc wants me on the ward for a min of 4weeks and then going to see from there. In that I stay here or I'm ready to go to rehab living. So I'm in over xmas and new year.

I'm not too bothered about me but I know my mum will be upset that I'm in. At least I have an excuse for not buying people xmas pressies. I'll get my nephews and that's it. Cheap xmas for me. I am not a fan of it anyway. You'll see that from blogs last year on the matter.

The AMHP said I need to think about having my parents involved more but I said I didn't want that. It's not their business and I don't want them knowing the extent of self harm or that I'm feeling suicidal and have no hope for anything. It's not fair that I don't get the choice in it. If I was a kid I'd understand but I'm 27!

How Many Is That Now?

They've just been to assess me under mental health act for a section 3. I think that's my 5th assessment in under a year.

Don't know outcome yet. They are deliberating on me. Can't say I'm positive about it.

Back at My City Hospital

<p>Back from the intensive care unit. Glad that I am the staff there are bullies. Especially fingers whom I've mentioned before. There was an incident where he totally lost it with me and was screaming and shouting at me and he had hold of my arm. So I kneed him in the balls. It's not me. I'm not that person but the way he was with me was out of order and he was really hurting me. Obviously there is the lead up to the event which I'll write more about when I have my lap top.

Looks like I'm going to be in over xmas and I'm also being assessed for a section 3 next week. They've not told me this it's what I've seen on their board in the staff room.

Now though I'm off to the ED as I swallowed something again yesterday and there are complications apparently. It doesn't feel much different to me. I've been bad the past few days with my stomach anyway as of previous operation. That's another thing about here; they listened to me when I said it was hurting again. At out of city hospital they refused me pain killers as I didn't look as though I was in enough pain. First thing they did here was prescribe decent stuff and get a doctor on to the case.

Anyway. I'm back. That's what matters.